Wishing You Can Skip the Holidays
As today is Christmas Eve, I thought I would share this post that I created last Christmas… Although we are in the “most wonderful time of the year”, if you aren’t in the mood, this can be a very difficult time.
The holiday season is well in full swing! This is a wonderful time of year for many of us, although for some it can be the worst time of the year. As we celebrate this time of good tidings and cheer, my thoughts are with those families that may be having a tough time this holiday season, for whatever reason.
I am of Italian heritage. Years ago, after the death of a loved one, my relatives would spend months wearing only black, and the holidays would be fairly simple: no Christmas cards, no decorating, and no partying.
I remember when I was 13 years old, a cousin passed away. She was only 36 years old and left behind two young children. From that year on, my grandparents never decorated again for Christmas. Although they still gave us presents and my grandmother continued to cook dinner, it was never again the same for her.
Last September, just ten days after my two month old was born, my grandmother passed away. She had been sick for some time, and was eighty three years old. I had a hard time jump starting myself to prepare for the holidays last year, but I have four little children and cannot “skip” over Christmas just because I may not be in the Christmas spirit. And although my grandmother didn’t celebrate the holidays after she lost her niece, I am sure she would want me to make sure my children have a great Christmas. Once I started Christmas shopping and put up the tree, it was easier to get into the spirit. Although for me, I will never forget how Grandma always made Christmases special.
This past January 3, my grandfather passed away. The last time I saw him was on Christmas Eve. I miss him terribly. It has been almost a full year, but yet I still can’t help but think how the holidays will never be the same now that I have no grandparents left. And then I think about my kids and how they have their grandparents, and I know how important it is to celebrate with my family.
As parents, we often have to put aside our own feelings for the sake of our children. That might mean pushing ourselves to put a smile on our face when we really want to cry. That might mean sacrificing something we really want to get that special toy for our child. That might mean putting up a Christmas tree and sending out cards when you really want to skip right over December altogether.
I have always loved Christmastime. Even though Christmas this year will be hard without my grandparents, seeing the smiling faces of my four children on Christmas morning makes Christmas that much better. And as wonderful as it is, I am also reminded of another Christmas that was not so wonderful, and I did not have four beautiful children to brighten it up.
Before my oldest daughter was born, I lost two pregnancies. I found out I was pregnant in December of 2000, and I found out it was an ectopic pregnancy on December 27th. I had surgery on January 4th and came home January 5th to see the house still fully decorated for Christmas. I cried for hours while my family took the decorations down. I lost another baby only four months later, and once again was in a terrible place. Before getting pregnant with my daughter, I started to put all my thoughts down on paper. I wrote a poem and started to write about my bumpy road on becoming a mother. I now have four beautiful children, although I didn’t think I would ever get to that point. I became a Family Therapist to help other women and couples who were dealing with pregnancy loss and infertility, for I found there was not much available for me when I needed the help. After my daughter was born, I published “Becoming a Mother”. I have been truly blessed with my family. But every Christmas I am reminded of that awful season. Here is the poem I wrote:
Me…
Imagine for a second…
How a little girl dreams of becoming a mother –
A role in her life unlike any other.
Dreaming of the day she can hug her baby
“I’d like to have two or three, maybe.”
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
A young woman is pregnant, and just found out.
Her feelings are mixed without a doubt.
She’s so thrilled yet a bit scared of the thought
Of the job ahead and everything to be taught.
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
The pregnant woman has just been told
Of a poor diagnosis that is two-fold.
Her tube is bad, the baby has died,
How upset she is and how she has cried.
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
Two months of torture, being so sad –
‘Could the remaining tube be just as bad?’
Then to her surprise, the wonderful fact –
She’s pregnant again, the tube is intact!
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
The woman and her husband in weeks of pure bliss
‘We’re having a baby!” How great is this?
Looking forward to finally meeting the child growing inside.
The joy of ‘parents-to-be’ – just imagine their pride!
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
Visiting the doctor, expecting a heartbeat.
‘The baby has died…’ – this child they’ll never meet.
A feeling of numbness, unable to speak,
Trying to stand, but feeling quite weak.
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
The awful trip to the operating room…
It might as well have been her tomb.
For the second time, her child has died.
For the second time, they’re taking the child inside.
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
Her husband wishes she’d return to herself,
As he looks at all the angels she’s collecting on a shelf.
Becoming a mother has taken over her life –
‘Is our family destined to be just husband and wife?’
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
That little girl dreaming is now a wife
And she still has the dream she’s had all her life.
She would have never thought that what would be true
Is that here on earth she has no children, but Heaven has two.
She knows that God will one day bless her with children she’ll bear,
She holds onto that dream, and holds onto that prayer.
…this IS me.
In memory of two little souls I’ll never forget.
You’re looking down at Mommy, I bet.
I wish you all Happy Holidays. Hoping you are in the holiday spirit, if not for yourself, for your children.
I originally posted this on Naptime Stories on December 20th, 2009. With the holidays of 2011 quickly approaching, I thought I would share.
Holiday Traditions – celebration
Growing up with a mom from a Puerto Rico, I learned about unique traditions that really showed the joy and celebration of Christmas. The first one was the parranda. A parranda is equivalent to the carolers at Christmastime here in the US. The big difference is that members of the parranda have guitars and other instruments to sing to their neighbors and friends nearby. I have great memories of going on parrandas with my mother and her church group. They played songs with drums, tambourines and guitars to sing to sick friends who had not been able to go to church. It is one of my favorite memories of the season.
Another tradition from Puerto Rico, is Three Kings Day or Little Christmas. It pays tribute to the visit of the three Magi or Wise Men who paid homage to Jesus and presented him with gifts. The night before Three Kings Day (January 6), children put out a handful of grass along with a bowl of water for the camels that the Magi traveled on. In the same way that children put out cookies and milk for Santa, children in Puerto Rico (and those of Puerto Rican descent) do the same. In the morning, children will find their gifts as a thank you from the Magi for feeding their camels. I remember that my local church collected gifts to give to the neighborhood children for Little Christmas. I think I got my first Monopoly game this way. What are your special holiday celebration traditions?
Moms can have fun too!
There is definitely something to be said about peers. And just because we are grown-ups and have families and jobs and bills and big responsibilities, doesn’t mean we can’t get together with the girls for a night of laughs and fun! And guess what? It doesn’t have to be expensive!
Hosting an ABBA Dance Party was something I could NOT pass up! After all, anyone who really knows me knows that Abba carries the soundtrack to my life! When my oldest child was merely months old, we used to dance around my dining room table blasting “Dancing Queen”. She loved it so much, that by the time she was a year and a half, she knew and would sing every word by heart. She sang (with the DJ’s microphone) at cousins’ weddings, my wedding to her stepfather, her Communion…) in front of crowds and always jammed the dance floor. Juliana is my “Dancing Queen”!
Then, when I met my now-husband Paul, one of our very first dates was to see “Mamma Mia” on Broadway. I was still unsure of where the relationship was going because of my confusion with my recent divorce, but by the end of the show, after dancing, reflecting, laughing, crying, I realized that Paul was the man for me. He knew it too. At our wedding, as we walked back down the aisle as husband and wife, we walked out to Abba’s “I DO”. And after being on bedrest with my twins pregnancy for 2 months, Mamma Mia, the movie, came out just 3 days before my scheduled C-Section, the same day I was taken off of bedrest. So guess where I went that night? Yep! Paul, Juliana, and a VERY pregnant me were dancing in the aisles! Now, all four of my kids can recite the Mamma Mia movie by heart, and they know ALL Abba songs!
Five ladies came to my house last Friday night from Mommy’s Links for my ABBA YOU CAN DANCE HOUSE PARTY. This UbiSoft game for Wii is just AWESOME! And so much fun with a crowd (or by yourself, if you prefer to dance behind closed doors!) All of us moms got a great workout, sang to our heart’s content (songs we all know and love) and really enjoyed the laughs and fun we had all night! And what’s even better is that the kids love it too!
If you love Abba, this is an absolute MUST have item on your Christmas list! See below for the link on where to get it (and it ships free with TWO DAY delivery!) 
I apologize for the blurry photos! With our strobe light (complements of Ubisoft), the dim lighting and the fast moving dancing moms, it couldn’t be helped! And as for our videographer, I think 10 year old Andy did a pretty good job!
Please see here for the original post and the disclaimer.
New Job, New Routine for Kiddo & me
Well, a new job is coming my way very soon and I realized I needed to tell kiddo about it. One of the challenges of being a single mom with a chatty son is that he likes to share my details with his father. I found out that I got the job on Halloween. I waited a couple of weeks before telling him because I did not want him to tell his father. I also just wanted to enjoy the news myself and then let kiddo know. While kiddo’s schedule won’t be affected at all, my schedule will be very different. I’ll have somewhat of a 9-5 (three days a week) and two late nights, which will hopefully be on the same nights that kiddo’s with his father.
This new job will be a major shift for me since I won’t be working in foster care anymore. I’ll be working hard to change old habits to reflect my new work. Now that he’s older, kiddo’s not much affected by my work. Occasionally, I found myself having to call my father for pick-ups when I couldn’t be there myself. Now this new schedule will have me finished by 5pm most days and I can be there for him better than with the previous job. Another plus, more money so that I can better provide for him. I’m really nervous and excited and scared. I just hope that I can adjust so that kiddo won’t notice much of a difference. I don’t want to shake things up for him too much even though I’ll be the one going through a change. How do you help the kids adjust while you go through a lifestyle change?
What Do You Celebrate?
We celebrate Christmas. We are Roman Catholic Christians, and although Easter is our religion’s biggest holiday, as you know, Christmas gets the most attention every year! We celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, our Savior.
For our family, the Christmas season begins on Thanksgiving. We watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV (one day when the kids are a little older we hope to go in person. As a New Yorker, I cannot believe I have yet to go!), and when the parade is over, we officially say it is Christmas! I start my Christmas shopping early the next morning (sometimes late Thanksgiving night, IF we are not too stuffed and tired from dinner!) and we decorate our home inside and out over Thanksgiving weekend.
We send out Christmas cards, at least 30 cards to family and friends. We decorate Christmas cookies, baking butter cookies, sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies, walnut balls and a variety of other cookies depending on the year (and our time!) My husband and I shop and wrap together (except each other’s gifts, of course, although sometimes we know what the other has gotten us in advance!), and we bake as a family. We attend various parties and Christmas concerts the kids put on at school.
On Christmas Eve, we attend Mass at 5pm, where the children put on The Living Nativity. For the second year in a row, my daughter is in the presentation. She is a signing angel. After Mass, we enjoy a fish dinner, where we have at least 7 different fishes. I am a seafood fan, so I really enjoy Christmas Eve. We celebrated Christmas Eve with my in-laws for many years, but since Juliana is in The Living Nativity near our house, we have been celebrating with my family. After dinner, it’s home and bedtime for the kids, and Santa and Mrs. Claus get ready for the morning! We take out all the kids’ presents, put some together, “eat” the cookies and “drink” the milk (usually putting it back as we are both too stuffed to actually eat anything else!) and prepare whatever we can in advance for dinner the next day. We always host Christmas dinner at our house, so after opening presents and breakfast, it is back into the kitchen!
Christmas morning at our house is extremely chaotic and crazy, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. First, the kids get Santa’s gifts, then open the gifts from us (and each other), and usually by then, by parents and siblings have arrived with a ton more presents. My house usually looks like Toys R Us exploded that morning, and I spend the day worrying where in the world I am going to put all these new toys! Paul and I go make everyone breakfast, and we enjoy breakfast as family. Everyone goes home to shower and dress, and we finish preparing dinner. Just as we’re showered, our guests start to arrive. This year, we are hosting my parents, my siblings and their significant others, my mother-in-law and her husband, my father-in-law and his wife, two of my aunts and us. We will be 18.
After stuffing ourselves silly for the second day in a row, everyone goes home, and Paul and I usually crash on the couch. It has been a long few days! I try to reflect on the day and I remember again the real reason for the season, celebrating the birth of Jesus. I am thankful for another wonderful holiday.
WHAT DO YOU CELEBRATE?
The Non-traditional Thanksgiving that wasn’t
Well, my non-traditional Thanksgiving didn’t happen. Turns out that my two pals both decided to stay home. One decided to cook for her siblings and the other was so burnt out by work that she wanted to stay home. I decided then to visit my father and his girlfriend for a bit before going to my cousin’s house. (My cousin happened to text me an invite to her house for turkey day a week before.) After a couple of hours with my father (who I had already seen two days that week for childcare – love my dad), I then traveled to my cousin’s house. My cousin V hosted Thanksgiving with a bunch of our cousins all from my mother’s side of the family. I realized how much I liked my family and how easy it was to crack jokes. I also realized how much I missed my mom that day – especially her cooking. V’s cooking is amazing along with everyone else who cooked that day (I brought wine), but none of it was the same because it wasn’t my mom’s. But, for a few hours I had a great time, laughing, joking and chatting away with my family.
That was until my son reminded me that we were also invited to stop by his godmother’s for Thanksgiving as well. She and I aren’t very close anymore, but kiddo loves her very much so I took the trip for his sake. The last few hours of Thanksgiving found me sitting mostly by myself with a few conversations here and there while kiddo played with the other kids there. I’d have been happier with ending Thanksgiving at V’s house, but kiddo had a great time at his godmother’s so it was worth it. Thank goodness for Thanksgiving.
Loose teeth, swollen gums and dentists, oh my!
It’s official. Kiddo has a loose tooth and swollen gums. For those of you who don’t know my son, he’s very curious and loves to see what things are about including his teeth. After several calls to the local dentist, I finally made an appointment with an emergency dental clinic nearby. Due to the holiday, the local dentist office was closed from the Tuesday before Thanksgiving until the Cyber Monday.
I think all of this happened as well because of my own dental trauma. My metal mouth days have come back to haunt me with a vengeance. I was in the seventh grade and it was decided (not by me) that I needed braces. Somewhere in my development, two of my teeth headed way north in my gums and tried to make a line all by themselves. I spent the next three years in braces. Thus the geek trifecta was complete – bad hair, check. Glasses, check. Braces, check, check.
As a result, I’ve been a bad dental patient. I’ve got a horrible track record of going to the dentist and even taking kiddo. He has been checked out by dentists while in school, thank goodness. And he’s pretty good about brushing his teeth. Though now, I will be making yearly trips to the dentist with kiddo to make sure his teeth are okay. I just hope I can sit through the sounds of dental brushes, rinsing water and drills. Yikes!
The emergency visit turned out well. Kiddo only needed an xray to see what was happening and was instructed to keep wiggling the tooth until it fell out. He was also told that he would need braces in the future. Sigh. At least kiddo’s okay for now. Any dental horror stories?
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Twas Three Weeks Before Christmas… A True Story
I can laugh about it now… so I thought I would share!
Twas three weeks before Christmas, sleeping boys and girl
Not a creature was stirring except for a squirrel!
The house was all decorated, our village and tree
We were ready to sit down and watch the TV.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of electronic toys danced in their heads.
Paul on his chair after we cleaned up our mess
Were getting ready to watch The Good Wife on CBS.
When on top of the couch i saw something stir under the slipcover.
I sprang three feet in the air and ran fast for cover.
Off his chair Paul sprang and called for a hammer.
Not ideal if course, but I was all for the slammer.
At first we thought we might have a rat in the house.
There is nothing that grosses me more than a rat or a mouse!
When what to our wandering eyes should appear
Out of our couch a squirrel, oh dear!
My brother hit it twice with a broom to get it out the door
Instead it went back into the couch once more!
Paul and my Dad got the couch into the yard
Getting the squirrel out of the couch was quite hard!
Now scrubbing! Now cleaning! Now bleaching the house! On wiping! On washing! At least it was no rat or mouse!
To the Christmas tree I went, I noticed a mess and ornaments on the floor
Our Christmas village too! My glass snowman was no more!
We got the sucker out, we cleaned up our home
And it ran away unharmed, back in the street to roam!
Not quite the night we planned, and certainly a pain in the neck,
Every word of it is true, and yes, I was a wreck!
But I have to exclaim, because it is just and right,
“Happy Christmas Mr. Squirrel, and to all a good-night!”
This is a true story. This happened to us on Sunday night!
Jingle All The Way! Our Christmas Cards!
With four kids, it is often difficult to get one photo of all of them for our Christmas Cards. I try every year and there is always someone who isn’t looking or has a silly face… and then someone gets tired or cranky and it is all over. This year, I decided to dress them in festive clothes on an early fall warm day and take them in the yard. I also wanted to put individual pictures up of the kids because they have all grown so much since last year. I have to say I am happy with the results, considering I did it one afternoon by myself!
I was offered to do a review for Mixbook on their line of Photo Christmas Cards. I went onto the Mixbook site and clicked Christmas Cards and was immediately drawn to one design – “Jingle All the Way”. I put the group shot on the top and made a collage of the individual shots that I added to the bottom. Then I played around a little with the special effects and LOVED the mirror image I was able to do!
I really can’t stop raving about the special effects you can play with when designing your cards. Plus, everything is editable… I wanted to move one of the elements in the card them and was shocked and thrilled to be able to! And the prices are pretty good too! 30 cards for about $30 is pretty standard, but once you factor in how much you can customize these cards, the price can’t be beat! I am very happy with my order and I will use them again!
You can “like” Mixbook on their Facebook page or “follow” them on Twitter! Once you become a fan on Facebook you can get a coupon for your order!