Tomorrow morning at 8am I am scheduled for a Uterine Ablation procedure. Yes. This blog is very personal. This post is full of raw emotion. After almost twelve years of obstetrical surgeries, planning, hoping, praying, being confused and elated, at my most depressed and at my happiest, I am once again going into the same hospital, with the same doctor, this time for an entirely different reason. And I’m a little scared, ok a lot scared at this very moment, but I am still very comfortable in my decision.

My husband and family might be upset with how much I divulge in this post, but my reasons are two-fold. First, I am always best at letting my emotions out with my words, and writing is so cathartic for me. But I also wanted to share this for all the other ladies out there who might be dealing with what I have been dealing with.

Luckily, and thankfully, I am healthy. I do not have any serious issues, and I thank God for that. But after five pregnancies, including two losses (one resulting in losing one of my fallopian tubes), a set of twins and two singletons, I have been dealing with terribly heavy periods. Actually, and I won’t get graphic, at some points in recent months I have even been a bit horrified at what I have seen. TMI. Even TMI for me, and I am talking about my own body! I know that my reproductive system has definitely gone through a lot over the last twelve years, and I am seeing the effects now. A whole week out of every month I am dealing with heavy periods, terrible fatigue and a ton of discomfort. With so many things to do everyday, this wife/mom/homemaker/blogger/business owner/therapist (etc. etc. etc.) cannot live like this any longer. Hence the Ablation.

In short, the procedure is a procedure that destroys (ablates) the uterine lining. As explained to me by my OB/GYN (and quoted from WebMD), what is going to happen is that a “balloon filled with saline solution that has been heated to 85°C (185°F) (thermal balloon ablation)” will ablate my uterine lining. There is no cutting, which is a big relief.

Of course knowing I am heading into the hospital and will be getting anesthesia and this procedure, I am pretty nervous. I am anticipating the worst, but hopeful that it will not be too terrible. I am to expect some cramping afterwards, possibly some light bleeding. I have to be at the hospital at the crack of dawn, and I am hoping to be home before my kids get out of school. My husband will be waiting for me, which is a boost, and I know the kids are in great care with my mom while I am there. Something else, however, is gnawing at me.

I think because I spent so many years wanting to be a mother, and then wanting to be a mother again, and having been through a roller coaster of emotions and procedures (losses are heart wrenching, and infertility treatments aren’t very pleasant either), I am feeling so many different thoughts right now. We did not intend to have any more children, so knowing my uterus could not hold another baby shouldn’t be a shock, but it has taken some getting used to. Again, I am thinking because my brain was set to “baby fever” for so long is why I feel this way. Knowing that after all those years of hoping for “baby dust”, this part of my life is infinitely over is a little odd for me.

I think I better get myself off the computer and head to bed. It is going to be a very early morning and I need to get some rest. Hoping my mind will relax and allow me to sleep! Wish me luck!

He wasn’t always the best father and at one point, I didn’t have a relationship with him. But losing my mother almost 10 years ago did something to him. He began to take an interest in me; in knowing about what was going on with me. Much more so since I’ve been a single mom.

Papi has been there for me and for kiddo. One school year, he paid for my son’s uniform including shirts, slacks, shoes and sneakers. Another year, he paid for repairs to my master bedroom (which suffered great water damage). He’s even picked kiddo up from school when I couldn’t due to working late. Papi has been a great cheerleader in the last few years. He’s been making up for mistakes in the past. And I’ve let him – to a point. He’s done so much for us as I tend to remind kiddo of frequently (kiddo & my father butt heads a lot!). And I’ve also been reminding myself.
So naturally, I don’t want to let him down by telling him that I’m not working. I don’t lie to him; I do my best not to. When he talks about work, I say “it’s going” and change the subject. Papi’s not one to spend too much time talking on the phone, so I luck out that way.

I want to be strong for him. He’s done so much and has been so proud. I don’t want to change that. Papi’s getting older and has been anxious about different things.  He’s at an age where anxiety can get the best of him, real or imagined. I choose to take care of him by taking care of myself. I love my dad very much. Protecting him (like I do kiddo) gives me peace of mind. Hopefully, my job search will be over soon and I’ll be able to be more truthful with Papi. In the meantime, I’m fully in sandwich mode – taking care of the two most important men in my life.

I was a social worker for a foster care agency here in NYC. I have my Master’s Degree in Counseling. Although I enjoyed my job, when my twins were born in 2008, we took a look at my income and what it would cost for my daughter’s tuition, afterschool care and daycare for the boys, and it was 1/2 of my salary. We immediately decided that it would be best for me to stay home until the twins were in school. Fourteen months later, when the baby was born, it was even more obvious that it wasn’t worth spending almost 3/4 of my salary on child care. I have been a stay at home mom since 2008.

I enjoy my kid-free time (do I ever), though once in a while I miss being part of a family unit. Unfortunately, even when I was in a unit, we didn’t go out much together and when we did, it was a disaster. Even together, there was a lot of dysfunction. Recently, I’ve realized that I’m much happier being a single mom. And that’s okay. I’ve accepted that a relationship with my son’s father doesn’t work. This family’s alright.

I still do want that family unit – a mom, a dad and some kids. That would be lovely. I hope and dream someday to have that. In the meantime, I’m trying my best to enjoy my family. Spending time with kiddo, taking him out to have fun or just spending quiet time at home.  And I reflect on the fact that even though it’s just kiddo and me, we’re doing great!

The challenge for me is that I’ve been very depressed about not being able to find a way to my dream job. I hope to do in-patient work with kids and teens in NYC. Working in foster care taught me that I like doing crisis work with some of the neediest people. In a hospital, I’d like to continue that work in helping kids understand their diagnoses while also finding positive ways to manage their symptoms. But, this has been really hard for me to accomplish. I am a licensed professional (licensed mental health counselor to be exact), but my license is very new and has only been issued since 2000. Unfortunately for me, hospitals (and many organizations) have never even heard of my license. And with most job applications being automated, rejection is much more frequent. And my disappointment as well. I’m struggling now with my frustration, depression and hard choices that I may have to face career-wise, but I’m doing my best to stay strong. Both for me and kiddo.

He still doesn’t know about my time at home and I prefer it that way. The last thing I want is an anxious kid worrying about things that are adult problems. So, I’ve been doing the ‘strong mommy’ thing and keeping things moving along. Kiddo already knows that there’s a budget in place and understands when we can or cannot do certain things. My hope is that at the end of all of this, I can show kiddo (and myself) that “there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

For many of us, the decision is not always easy to make, nor one we thought we would have made beforehand. I completed my Master’s degree in Counseling when my daughter was a toddler. Prior to that, I had spent years as a dental assistant. When I got my degree, I began to work as a social worker for a foster care organization in NYC. While it was draining and taxing, I loved my career path. I loved being a therapist and enjoyed being in the professional atmosphere. Because I was working for a private organization funded by the city, the salary wasn’t very much, but it was fine as a second income for our family. My husband’s salary paid the bills, and my salary allowed us to vacation, go out to eat regularly, and buy things we wanted (as opposed to needed) for ourselves and our kids.

When I was pregnant with the twins, we began pricing daycare for two infants. Factoring in the afterschool care for my daughter, I was shocked with how much this was going to cost. And when the twins were six months old, I found out I was pregnant again. Daycare/aftercare for four kids was ridiculously expensive. If my salary was a maximum of $45,000 and the childcare costs were close to $30,000, was it really worth it to work for $15-$20,000 a year? I’d need to spend money on my business attire, lunches, gas/tolls and more in addition to this. If I went back to work, we’d have to get four kids dressed and out the door at 7am, and I wouldn’t be picking them up until 5:30pm. I’d still have to cook dinners, pack lunches, do laundry (and I do about 16 loads a week!), give baths, clean house, prepare clothes for the next day and clean up. I’d have to help with homework and find some time to spend with my husband. Possible? Of course. Made sense? Not at all.

We thought about hiring a nanny or au pair, but we don’t have the extra bedroom for her. My mother and mother-in-law were not ready to retire, and my aunts, who watched my daughter when I worked, now lived 40 minutes away. There was only one choice for my husband and I to make: I’d stay home.

I have to say that I have been very fortunate in the years I have been home. I have been blogging for three years, I ran a mother’s website under a big corporation from home, and I have done telephone and video counseling. Now, I run my own mothers’ website and host events, plus I still blog and do counseling all from home. The income I have been generating from being a WAHM has helped us to continue our previous lifestyle (albeit much more subdued!) with taking family vacations and occasional nights out, although we have had to do some serious budgeting. We haven’t been able to buy the house I so desire, but luckily we are renting from family. We are blessed, although it is far from easy!

When I was asked to be interviewed for CNN’s “Your Bottom Line” with Chris Romans, I thought it was a great way for me to share a little of my life with the world. We are happy and have been completely fortunate to make things work, but it is definitely a challenge. I was nervous about my interview, but it came naturally as I was talking about our life and our decisions for our family — all things that no one knows better than my husband and I.

The segment airs on 9:30am Saturday morning. I will share it here as well when it becomes available online. Wish me luck!

Jennifer Nevadomski
Wife and Mom of FOUR
www.mommyslinks.com

I took the kids today for our first trip to the library. My oldest daughter had of course been to the library many times before, and she goes regularly at school, but the little guys had never been. They knew about the library, and were so excited when I told them that we were going today. They still don’t quite get the concept, however, that they have to return what they borrowed, but we’re still working on that!

First, I set all of them up with their own library cards. That in itself took a while, but luckily I brought along our sitter to keep them occupied while I filled out the forms. They were super psyched that they each had their own cards, and they were so proud to see their names on the backs of them! Then, I told each of them that they could choose one book and one video each.

Juliana knew right away that she wanted to get a Harry Potter book. I cannot believe that my little girl is ready to read the series! She also chose an iCarly video. The boys were a bit more difficult.

Louis wanted a pirate book. That was pretty simple to find, but the problem is, there are so many! He settled on a picture book called “I Love My Pirate Papa”. After a few different picks on a video, he picked out a Chuggington video.

Anthony on the other hand, due to his Yo Gabba Gabba obsession, was not going to be happy unless he got something with Yo Gabba Gabba. I went to the computer and searched, and saw that our library had a few Yo Gabba Gabba books, but only one was available. I reserved another, and we set out to find the one they had. Ashley, our sitter, was frantically searching, as it was hard to find. Anthony was determined to not leave without his book. Problem is, when we found it, I right away recognized the cover and realized it was a book we already had! Anthony didn’t care, he was happy with his “Baby Teeth Fall Out, Big Teeth Grow” from Yo Gabba Gabba. He chose a Franklin video.

As for Joseph, we didn’t get that lucky. He is the Blues Clues obsessed toddler, and he was running around the library yelling “Did you find Blues Clues, Mommy?” Our library did not even have ONE Blues Clues book in its inventory. But I did notice in the catalog that there was one video with Blues Clues. Don’t you know that we could not locate it? We even went to the librarian, who confirmed it was available, but none of us had any luck finding it. Worried that poor Joseph would be upset, I tried to find him something else he would like. He walked around with a Dora the Explorer book for a while, then an Elmo book, but finally I got him to agree to take a Max and Ruby book. So what that it was a Christmas book? It’s only April! He chose a Max and Ruby video (yes, he likes to be coordinated!)

I need to remind myself how blessed I am, and how proud I feel about my 37 years.  I have made mistakes along the way, but I know that I am at a place in my life where I am happy in my decisions, I know I have a great support system, the best friend I could ever ask for in my husband, and we are working together to ensure our kids have a great life.  Thirty-seven.  Yes, I am pushing forty, and PROUD OF IT.  Happy Birthday to Me!

I watched as kiddo patiently explained that the walk signal dangled on the pole and needed to be repaired. He kept his cool far longer than I would have. He repeated it four times – each time seeming calmer than the one before. I was so proud of him and annoyed with myself for trying to discourage him. Even now being 11 years old, kiddo teaches me something new everyday about being a good person. He amazes me. I hugged him and told him how proud I was. And I shared how much he reminded me of my mother who frequently served others by volunteering the way that he did. She often spoke out about things she didn’t like for the benefit of others. Mami was just a powerhouse that way – telling me that we were here to serve others with the talents that God gave us.

Today we saw the result of his report – the dangling walk signal was removed. I think a new one will be put up tomorrow. Seems like the giving tradition has officially been passed on to the next generation.