Naptime Blog

Dr. Conrad Murray was convicted, just hours ago, of involunary manslaughter. Michael Jackson’s doctor, who was with him on June 25, 2009, when the lethal dose was taken, claims he only gave a small dose. There were suggestions that the King of Pop may have actually given himself the lethal dose himself. Either way, one of the most well-known entertainers in our lifetime is dead.

People outside the courtroom were cheering “Justice for Michael”. Justice? Don’t get me wrong. I have always been a Michael Jackson fan since I was a little girl. When he was put up on charges of molestation, I found it hard to believe, however, I would never doubt a child. I still loved his music, but I believed he was guilty. To find out years later that the accusations were in fact a ploy on behalf of the child’s mother for money was a disgrace. Nevertheless, we all could have predicted an early death for Michael Jackson, because he played God and he played doctor. I have said it numerous times and will say it again – SUPERSTARS ARE NOT INFALLIBLE! Singers, actors, sports stars, heiresses… they think they can do whatever they please whenever they want. Superstars are not above the law and they are certainly NOT above God. Money and fame does not give you an automatic approval to do whatever you want!

Insomnia? For insomnia and “constant pain”, Michael Jackson took it upon himself to “buy” himself a medical doctor who would give him as many drugs as he asked for. And as a result, it killed him. The doctor was stupid enough to risk his license, his career, his credibility, his freedom, and the life of another human being (regardless of who that human being was) to OBLIGE.

Justice? OK, so we got one idiot doctor away from harming more patients. But what about the thousands of SUPERSTARS that think they are infallible? Who is going to be the next one to make headlines or end up dead? Justice will be done when these people realize they are no better than the rest of us, and while some of them might have immense talent, they stop living their lives above the law.

RIP Michael… too bad you were not smart enough to realize you could kill yourself by your lifestyle.

Originally posted on Mommy’s Links.
Jennifer Nevadomski
Wife and mom of four

We live in NYC.  On Saturday evening, we started feeling the effects of Hurricane Irene.  It started raining and the wind began to pick up.  When we finally headed to bed at about 1:30am, we thought we would be in the clear.  But at 3:00am on Sunday morning, we jumped out of bed when we heard loud bangs.  My husband ran to the window to see sparks flying from the street behind us.  After the fourth bang, our power died.  We ran to the front door to see sparks coming from our own power lines, and as we looked out the door we could see branches flying and limbs hanging down, and then we felt the water.

The wall above our front door was all wet and there was a puddle on the floor.  The rain was coming in through an apparent crack in the bricks from the outside.  We grabbed towels, saw the fire engines come down our street, and after we knew there was nothing we could do but wait it out, we went back into bed.  Unfortunately, we didn’t stay in bed very long, because we started hearing drips.  There was a leak in our bedroom ceiling, and the paint began to bubble.  After checking on the boys’ room, we saw that the top of their window was leaking as well.  Grabbing the flashlight, I went down to the kitchen to grab some pots and buckets and my husband grabbed some towels to dry up the water. 

Once again, we got back into bed.  And once again, it wasn’t very long before we were up again.  I am not sure if it was the loud roaring howl of the wind or the drips into the pots, but once we heard a big flow of water when the bubble in our ceiling popped and the paint feel down, we were out of bed again.  By this time, my daughter was in our room, visibly shaken from all the noise.  Trying our best to calm her down (while I myself was uneasy about the possibility of our ceilings’ stability and what the wind was going to pick up in its travel, not to mention the thought that both behind and in front of our house power lines were sparking), she was finally able to get back to sleep.  Paul and I laid in bed for the next hour, but it felt like three days.  He suggested we get in the car and drive north and west, but I was too afraid to be on the road in the storm.  I was unsure if we should take the kids downstairs (our kitchen, living room and dining rooms are all basement level), but if we had water in the bedrooms, I was sure we had flooding downstairs.  We dozed on and off until 6am, and once we started to see daylight outside, I decided to wake up.

All the kids woke up and we handed each of them a flashlight.  They couldn’t understand why the lights were not going on, but were amazed with the flashlights, so we kept them amused for a bit.  Louis kept trying to turn the television on, and when I took out the portable CD player and put some kids’ CDs in, they had fun dancing.  Our house phones were out because they are on our cable network and our cell phone service was spotty.  We managed to get in touch with our parents and knew none of them had power either.  Paul saw the Con Edison trucks come by and secure the hanging lines.  They told him that they’d come back to work on them later.

By 11am, my parents got their power back.  We packed up some clothes and headed there for a bit.  Driving there, we saw so many downed trees and power lines.  Pelham Bay Park, about 3 blocks from my house, was Pelham Bay Lake.  Living in a quiet section of the Bronx, we never really get news coverage (which is a good thing!), so the TV stations were not reporting from our neighborhood, but they could have.

We headed back to our house at 7pm, but still having no power, we decided to go back to my parents’ house, as another dark night with four children wouldn’t have been fun.  On Monday morning, ConEdison was able to restore our power.

We are going to have to get the windows fixed, and check the brickwork outside in preparation for the next rainfall.  The walls will need some work, and my bedroom ceiling will need to be fixed.  We still do have some water in the basement, and we hope that the floors upstairs do not buckle from all the water we got.  All in all, we know how truly blessed we are that Hurricane Irene only left us with minimal damage and one night’s lost sleep.  We are all safe and sound, and the damage we have could have been much worse.  My thoughts and prayers to all the families still dealing with the remnants of Irene…  I know millions are still without power and there are a ton of floods still around, as well as plenty of downed trees that need to be cut up and removed.

When my nine year old daughter came home from school yesterday and said “Mommy, do you know Saturday is the apocolypse?”  I freaked out.  Not so much because I do or do not believe it myself, but because my little girl a) actually knows what that means and b) they are talking about it amongst her third grade friends!

Let’s back up a bit.  We pay monthly for a Catholic school education, so for her to know what the word “apocolypse” means (or does she really?  I’m not sure I even know what that TRULY means!) shouldn’t be so startling.  But why are nine year olds talking about this?  I assume they’ve heard it from their parents.  But as parents, my husband and I, even if we believed the world would end tomorrow, would NEVER talk about that in front of our children!

I shrugged her off and told her that is not true, but it has been on my mind ever since.  And seeing people’s Facebook statuses, online news articles and stories, even a blog post clicked through from the CDC called Social Media: Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse, I have to admit, I am a little spooked!

So this Harold Camping is a self-proclaimed prophet who used numbers in the Bible to say tomorrow is the day, beginning at 6PM.  The one thing I always remembered from the Bible is that no one knows the day nor the hour of their death, so that alone says a lot.  The guy is now a multimillionaire and has his own following, and many people do believe him, even though his past predictions did not come true.

With all the death and destruction we’ve seen in the past few years- earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, flooding, tsunamis…  I think many of us have wondered at some point of another “are these signs”?  But at the end of the day, I do not believe this man’s predictions are correct.

Tomorrow at 6PM I will be at a graduation party with my husband, my children, my parents, siblings and other family members.   I always try to live my life as it was my last and love completely.  After all, we never know when “judgment day” is for any one of us.  But, if his predictions are true, at least I know I will be with my family!

Do you think the end of the world is near?

Jennifer Nevadomski

Wife and mom of four

Co-founder, www.mommyslinks.com

Store brand infant formulas won a major victory this week when a U.S. Circuit Court upheld a $13.5 million false advertising claim against Enfamil maker Mead Johnson.

 The case centered on the successful argument by PBM Products, Perrigo’s store brand infant formula business, that Enfamil’s  advertisements of superiority to store brand formulas were false and misleading because store brand formulas offer the same nutrients at the same levels as Enfamil.

 “As the litigation history of the parties demonstrates, despite having twice been restrained from disseminating misleading advertising, Mead Johnson continued to do so,” Circuit Judge Andre Davis wrote. “PBM cannot fairly compete with Mead Johnson unless and until Mead Johnson stops infecting the marketplace with misleading advertising.”

“The Court has made it clear that national brand and store brand suppliers are entitled to fairly compete and advertising abuses will not be tolerated,” said Perrigo Chairman and CEO Joseph C. Papa in a statement. “We also appreciate the Court’s recognition that PBM could lawfully compare its products to national brand products.”

More information can be found in Business Week at http://www.businessweek.com/news/2011-04-20/mead-johnson-loses-bid-to-cancel-13-5-million-jury-verdict.html.

For me personally, reading about this tragedy brings me back to a time in my life that I do not regularly talk about these days.  As a happily married mom of four beautiful children, I try not to think about the time when I was an abused wife.  My first husband was abusive: mentally, verbally, and physically.  I was an educated and independent young girl who was working hard on my career and my future.  I had a very close family and a lot of great friends.  I never told any of my family and friends what life was like in my home, and although many of them suspected and tried to help, I refused to listen. I still do not know how I ever allowed this man to have control over me, and although I used to be ashamed, I am extremely proud to have found the courage and strength to get away.  At the time, I thought I was doing it for my daughter, but I know I did it for both of us.

You have probably seen the episodes of Law and Order SVU, or other crime shows in which the wife or girlfriend was beaten so badly she had limbs broken and had to be hospitalized.  The term is called “Domestic Violence”, because it occurs at the hand of the domestic partner: spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner.  Domestic violence is almost always portrayed as a man beating his woman.  And in most circumstances, the beating is always bloody with extreme physical abuse, sometimes even ending in homicide, and always leaving the viewer to think that domestic violence takes this same form in every relationship.

The Domestic Abuse Intervention Project’s Power and Control Wheel (the Duluth Model) is the best way to explain what Domestic violence actually is.  While physical abuse at the hands of a domestic partner is domestic violence, emotional, mental, verbal, and sexual abuse at the hands of a domestic partner are ALSO forms of Domestic violence. (See the wheel below)

Verbal threats of physical violence are just as damaging to a victim as the actual physical violence.  Mocking the victim afterwards, minimizing (or denying) the abuse makes any abuse that much harder to cope with.  Emotional abuse, such as name calling, mind games, making her think she is going nuts; humiliation, and other acts that reduce the victim’s self esteem can have more devastating effects than an actual punch in the face.  The bruises go away, but the effects of emotional abuse may last a lifetime (if help is not sought out).   The abuser may shift the blame onto the victim – “You made me so angry when I got home and you weren’t here that you made me hit you” or “I cancelled all your credit cards and ATM card because you don’t deserve to go out” (when the victim was going shopping for baby diapers) – is emotional abuse.  Controlling the victim’s every move, limiting her outside interaction, who she speaks with and where she goes, possibly using jealousy to justify the reasons for the limits is another way the victim can be abused.  And just because the physical violence is not directly resulting in the victim getting hurt, does not mean physical violence has not taken place.  If the abuser breaks the victim’s valuables, destroys what is important to her, harms her pets, threatens her by taking out weapons, he has abused her.  Then there is the abuse that occurs when the abuser treats the victim as a servant, demanding he be treated like a king while the victim is the “nobody” of the house, just there to take care of him and act on his every wish.  Abuse.  We cannot forget sexual abuse, which can occur regardless of whether the partners are married, engaged, living together, dating, or acquaintances. No is no.  End of story.

I must apologize for generalizing above, often referring to the victim as “she/her” and the abuser as “him/he”.  I must stress that first, domestic violence can occur in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. Therefore both the victim and abuser may be males or females.  Second, because we come from a society that views the man as the more dominant, stronger and more powerful of the sexes, it is often seen as taboo to admit that a man has been abused by a female, and in the event he does come out and admit to the abuse, he may not always be taken seriously.  Domestic violence should not assume that a woman was hurt by a man.  Although often a man does not want to admit he has been abused by his female counterpart, it does occur, and is just as serious as a woman being abused by her male partner.  There is nothing “cool” about being either a victim of DV or being the abuser, no matter what type of relationship you are in.

Another thought I want to bring up is the idea that if you have been affected in some way or another by domestic violence that you are a “victim”.  We often refer to a victim as someone who is weak and small, with a low self-esteem and with no means to help herself (or himself).  We see a victim as someone who was killed, mutilated, beaten, raped, robbed, or threatened.  A victim of DV may not want to label herself (or himself) as a “victim”.  This is the term for it, and until a better term is coined, if you or someone you know has been on the receiving end of any of the above, you are certainly a victim.

I was raised in a loving two-parent home with two siblings in a house with a fence and a dog.  I went to private schools, completed college, had lots of friends, and was a well rounded individual.  I fell in love with my high school sweetheart and we were married.  Throughout the entire ten year courtship and five year marriage, I was a victim of domestic violence.  In every other aspect of my life I was strong and independent, never allowing myself to be manipulated or hurt by anyone.  I married him thinking I could change him, giving him the love and support he lacked in his own childhood.  I accepted the verbal and emotional abuse, blaming his upbringing, and still believing I could change him.  I kept the abuse from my family and friends, who were amazing sources of support my entire life, because of embarrassment.  I had a child with him, and became even more embarrassed to leave the situation, not wanting my child to grow up in a ‘broken home’.  Over time the emotional and verbal abuse began to turn physical, with keys, remote controls and telephones being thrown at me, sometimes hitting me, sometimes missing.  I was often pushed around, and because I was never “hit”, I always denied the actual abuse.

The day a broom was thrown at me in the presence of my three year old daughter was the day I had had enough.  At the time I was back in school going for my master’s degree, and had begun to admit to some close family and friends that I did not like the way I was treated at home, two means of empowerment.  But the thought that I might have something thrown at me or I might be pushed and the person to get hurt might be my daughter, coupled with the fact that I knew my child deserved better than to see this behavior and live in this environment were all factors in me finally getting out of the situation.  And when I chose to pursue my master’s in counseling with a focus on family and marriage therapy, I was finally able to discuss the abuse in full and admit I was in fact a “victim”. 

My education and my personal experience gives me an edge with speaking to other DV victims.  I can remember what it was like to be in that relationship, feeling overwhelmed and powerless.  I tell my clients what my defining moment was to get out of it and get my daughter and me to safety.  My clients appreciate my honesty and my disclosure (and I do not always disclose personal information in counseling with the exception of DV).

For anyone who knew me, and especially for myself, I would have never thought I would be a victim of domestic violence.  I didn’t think I fit the “profile” of a victim, and thought that because I was never beaten nor had bruises (prior to that last encounter), it wasn’t truly abuse.  But it was.

Six years have passed, and I have managed to work through the issues with regards to my former marriage.  I am happily remarried, and my daughter is thriving and developing into a beautiful little lady.  She sometimes shows anger traits of her father, and I work with her regularly to teach her to control her temper.  My husband is a wonderful man, and is the most gentle and kind partner imaginable.  It took some time to trust that he would not hurt me, but I managed to do so.  We have had three children together, and have vowed to teach all of our children to treat their partners with respect at all times, to teach our daughter to never allow herself to be in a relationship that makes her feel uncomfortable, and we intend to teach our boys that as well.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone.  And if you feel you are a victim, please consider getting help as soon as possible.  You are not alone.

25 years ago today, the Challenger space shuttle along with its 7-person crew exploded right after take-off. I remember when it happened as a 8 year old student and knew that something had changed that day.

And soon after, I went on a school trip to the American Museum of Natural History where I bought a picture of the Challenger crew.

Years later, I shared my memory of the Challenger disaster with my son last year and, thanks to You Tube, he saw the take-off and explosion. Kiddo was about 9 years old when I told him about it. He was especially touched when he learned about it because he wants to be an astronaut. I shared with him my memories of sadness and grief that gripped the country. He seemed to understand this grief because he asked questions quietly and was silent while watching the news broadcast of the disaster.

As I shared this with kiddo, I told him about the need to share memories with him of historical events. I also let him know how important it was to study our history so that we wouldn’t make the same mistakes. My hope is that kiddo will not only see history in a new way, but that he’ll know that it is something real and not just something in a book.

What memories have you shared with the kids?

RIP Challenger Crew (1986)

El Onizuka

Mike Smith

Christa McAuliffe

Dick Scobee

Greg Jarvis

Ron McNair

 Judy Resnik

Dr. Rahul Parikh makes this suggestion in a special CNN report: “Make Any-Vaccine parents pay higher premiums“.  This is sure to raise quite a few eyebrows and spark some debates across the country…

I am very fortunate that I never had any negative experiences with vaccines on any of my four children….  I know that there are such conflicting thoughts with what vaccines can do, regardless of what studies have been proven true or falsified.  Personally, even before all of my children were born, I never questioned vaccines…  Yes, we are aware of which vaccines my children get and when, and I do limit which ones to give at each visit, but when all is said and done, my children are all up to date on their vaccines.  I was always more afraid of an epidemic or my children being exposed to deadly diseases that were wiped out decades ago should they return to this country from lack of vaccinations than any other suspected side effect of vaccines.

Yes, maybe if my child was sick and I thought vaccines contributed I might feel slightly different, certainly concerned and angry, but the thought of my child dying from a deadly strain of measles or some other preventable disease really makes this a non-issue for me.

What do YOU think about parents who choose not to vaccinate paying more money for insurance?

Don’t get me wrong… I LOVE John Travolta.  I have been in love with him since Welcome Back Kotter…  And Kelly seems very sweet.  I cried for them when they lost their son.  I feel for them every time I hear about their marital woes…  I was happy to hear she was expecting again (but her age is definitely NOT on her side to have a baby…)  BUT THIS IS JUST WEIRD…John and Kelly, in following their Scientology beliefs, are having a “Silent Birth”:  No music, no talking, no screaming, no drugs, no medical tests on the baby for 7 days…

OK, Kelly is an OLDER mom to have a baby, they lost a son due to medical reasons, and they will do this home birth with no talking and won’t test the baby???????????????  Come on John and Kelly!  Can you celebrities come back to reality?

Here is more about this SILENT BIRTH

After attending BlogHer’10, I was reminded once again how there are different types of “social networking” in this world.  One is the method we’ve been using for ages: going to parties, going to the park, picking up the telephone, knocking on a friend’s door, visiting relatives, sending birthday and Christmas cards in the mail, and other tradition ways to network socially.  Then there is the 21st Century way of social networking: Social Networking Websites.  Twitter, Facebook, Four Square, MySpace, LinkedIn, MomsLikeMe, Reunion, CafeMom, Tickle, Classmates, Friendster, Google Buzz, Meetup, Ning…  the list is endless.

Where do you draw the line with social networking?

While at BlogHer’10, I was speaking with a few other bloggers on how big of an event this was.  However, we all agreed that anyone outside the “blogosphere” really knew nothing about this event and all the other events out there.  As a matter of fact, outsiders really don’t understand the whole social networking craze.  I laughed to myself seeing everyone with their Blackberries and IPhones texting and tweeting away through conferences, parties and chats…  this was one of the first events I was at that it was entirely appropriate to do so!  Normally, people see it as rude to start texting at a party or in the middle of a conversation, but at BlogHer’10, it was MORE than appropriate, it was EXPECTED! 

One question that arises is WHERE DOES IT STOP?  I know that my mother has told me that her friends know all about my travels and what goes on in my chaotic home with four children through my status updates on Facebook.  She has mentioned more than once that I shouldn’t post such personal information online.  I see nothing wrong with it.  My sister has posted status updates about her nights out, and I have  had to remind her that aunts and uncles are reading about how many shots she’s had and be careful so they don’t think she has a drinking problem!  Some family members were turned off that others announced a cousin’s death and funeral arrangements online, when others thought it was so much more convenient than making three hundred phone calls.  Some text and tweet while driving or stuck in traffic.  Some social networkers claim to do their best work while in the restroom, and some tweet such info that would make most people shout out TMI (too much information)! 

A fellow BlogHer’10 blogger was in the news back in December for tweeting right after finding her son who fell in the pool.  She asked her followers to pray for him.  And when the toddler didn’t survive, she tweeted again to announce his death and get support from her online friends.  There are two opinions on this: One is that this mother reached out for support from her online friends, who she values just as much as you or I would value our childhood friends.  The other is that this woman has serious issues and should be committed.  Regardless of which opinion you hold, this woman lost a child and what a tragedy that is. 

After my ectopic pregnancy loss, I found an online group with others who went through the same type of loss.  When, three years later, we met up in Ohio for a physical “re”union, most of my family and friends didn’t understand, and some thought I was crazy!  But these women were my lifeline for so long when I was going through loss and infertility, and most people in my immediate circle did not understand what I was going through.  I valued them as friends (still do, nine years later!) and am so thankful for their support and friendship.

So, I ask you this question: Where do you draw the line with Social Networking?

Jennifer

Mom of FOUR

www.nevaland.com , www.mymetronymommy.com

The news headlines recently covered that two main networks refused to air a Lane Bryant commercial during prime time.  The commercial depicted a “fuller” figured woman in receiving a text from her boyfriend while in sexy undergarments.  The woman throws on her raincoat (with nothing other than the undergarments) and heads out the door.  As a mom of four young children, I am always trying to distract my kids if a “risqué”- themed commercial comes on the screen; however, there is so much of it that it becomes nearly impossible.  As a matter of fact, living in NYC, sometimes walking or driving through Times Square with the billboard ads can be a bit challenging with young children.  I recently remember seeing a photo of a jeans ad on the cover of our local paper with a threesome.  I believe the ad was rejected by Times Square BUT the paper chose to feature it on its cover… for my eight year old to see!  I guess, after a while, a parent just learns how to address it with their children, because these are the times we live in.

I saw an online article comparing the Lane Bryant ad with a Victoria’s Secret ad, the latter being aired on the same networks during prime time that the former was rejected on.  The Victoria Secret ad was just as risqué, and also depicted similar sentiments as the woman who leaves to have sex with nothing but her bra and panties.  So why did the networks ban one and not the other?  The buzz is that the Lane Bryant ad was rejected because Lane Bryant was advertising a full figured woman.  And this is what truly upsets me.

First of all, the model is beautiful.  She is bustier than most of today’s models, but her dress size cannot be more than an 8 or a 10.  But major networks and the whole pop-culture society has created this female body image “perfection” standard to be more of a size 0-2.  Yes, obesity is an issue.  It is a very serious issue.  But society has created these “perfection” goals for young girls which is pushing more and more teens (and younger!) into eating disorders and habits which is just as unhealthy as an obese teen’s eating disorders and habits. 

I am not a skinny woman.  I have always fought with my weight, and having four kids pushed me over the top.  A twin pregnancy followed by another baby only fourteen months later proved to be detrimental to my body size, and I am struggling to get back into a healthier and sexier pair of jeans.  I come from a family of women who have also struggled with their weight.  I try my best to be on top of my eight year old daughter, so that she does not grow up with the same struggles.  I do not want her to be overweight.  I want her to be healthy.  I also want her to be happy and confident in her body.  But when society makes the perfect body image so ridiculously unreal and unfair, this becomes more and more difficult.  Lane Bryant’s blog stated:

It appears that ABC and Fox have made the decision to define beauty for you by denying our new, groundbreaking Cacique commercial from airing freely on their networks.

Unfortunately, their definition of beauty may not be the definition of beauty that I want to teach my children.  While health is one of my main concerns, happiness, self-confidence, contentment, inner strength, respect for self and others, determination, and so many other positive qualities is what I wish to instill in my children (both my daughter AND my three sons) as what a BEAUTIFUL person truly is, not the fact that she wears a size 2 pair of jeans.

Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (8), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (7 months)
www.nevaland.com