Naptime Blog

When I was in college, I worked in a dental office with an older woman who had children.  Her children were not more than five or so years older than I was.  I clearly remember the time she was sharing the birth story of her oldest son.  She explained how she begged the OB to allow the nurse to bring an ash tray into the delivery room.  The doctor obliged, and in between contractions, Vicky smoked her Camels.  I asked my Mom about the validity of this, and my Mom said that although there was no smoking in the delivery room or operating room when I was born, the moms were allowed to smoke in their rooms through labor and after the baby was born.  I was amazed and shocked.

My Mom went on to tell me how mothers smoking cigarettes during pregnancy was the norm back in the sixties and seventies.  She also said that no one had ever mentioned not eating certain cheeses and fish during pregnancy, how mothers would drink wine while pregnant and that times have certainly changed from the time I was born to the time my children were born.

I recently took part in a discussion with other mothers of today about their lifestyles and lifestyle changes, if any, during their pregnancies.  I think it is safe to say that most moms today are ‘middle of the road’ as opposed to either living like they are in a bubble or living on the wild side. 

I have been pregnant five times.  I miscarried my first two pregnancies, then went on to have four healthy babies.  If you are doing the math, yes, one of the pregnancies was a set of twins!  While I was high risk and followed doctor’s orders when it came to such things as taking my progesterone suppositories and going on modified bedrest at 28 weeks, I did not necessarily live every moment of my life by the words of ‘A Perfect Pregnancy’… you know, the compilation of hundreds of books written by a million doctors, midwives, philosophers and anyone claiming to have knowledge of childbirth, that is sold in every bookstore!  I am referring to all those books that make moms-to-be afraid to breathe.  I actually find it amazing how each of these “professionals” has a different set of facts and statistics, many contradicting each other, and many not taking into consideration how every pregnancy, like every baby, is different.

I would never claim to be a medical professional, I am a family counselor.  But after having four children and working with many mothers and moms-to-be, I have developed my own philosophy.  What does not harm a woman when she is not pregnant won’t harm her when she is pregnant, as long as, like everything else, it is done in moderation.  Illegal drugs are never good for anyone, pregnant or not, so that is not even a question for a pregnant woman.  But a glass of wine here and there has never proven to be harmful, and I have had a few sips of wine and beer over the course of all of my pregnancies.

After losing two babies, I was brought to the stage of blaming myself.  I questioned if my smoking cigarettes before I knew I was pregnant both times made me lose the babies.  And as I had tried to quit smoking for many years, I also smoked before I knew I was pregnant with two of my healthy pregnancies as well, quitting the moment I got positive pregnancy test both times.  I asked my doctor, who of course tried to get me to quit for years, and even he admitted that my losses had nothing to do with me smoking.  Even though I smoked less than a pack a day, I always knew it was not healthy for ANYONE, and am proud to say that I have been smoke-free for almost three years now!  But, the two cigarettes I had each day during those pregnancies did not cause the losses. 

My losses weren’t caused by the bologna and cheese sandwich I ate, nor the time I colored my hair before my cousin’s wedding, nor the two Tylenol I took for that headache I had when I was newly pregnant.  As a matter of fact, there are so many things that we are told to stay away from during pregnancy, and so many things we need to be aware of when we are expecting (like don’t eat that soft cheese!), those things alone can make us go nuts!  Here is a list of things that we have all heard (or maybe not!) about what to stay away from while being pregnant.  Please note that I am not saying ANY of these things are either harmful or not, I would suggest that if you are concerned with any of these items on the list, you should research the validity of it and ask your doctor or midwife before you change your entire lifestyle.  Some of these things are more dangerous than others, so be careful and mindful of your precious cargo!

• Smoking
• Drinking wine and other alcohol
• Coloring hair
• Drinking coffee and other caffeinated products
• Taking drugs (legal or illegal, prescribed or over the counter)
• Heavy lifting
• Painting rooms (and breathing in fumes from paint)
• Eating sushi and other raw fish
• Eating soft cheeses
• Eating deli meats
• Taking something for pain, even “safe” medicines
• Riding roller coasters
• Not watching salt/sugar intake
• Changing the cat’s litter
• Acrylic nails
• Climbing ladders
• Playing sports
• Working stressful jobs
• Using artificial sweeteners
• Going tanning
• Eating Tuna
• Eating undercooked meat

REMEMBER: This is just a list of what different people have noted to be unsafe.  Not all are proven unsafe, especially in moderation!  Do your research and ask your doctor!

After losing two babies and giving birth to four healthy babies, I am a firm believer that for the most part, a healthy baby will survive pregnancy, and a baby with serious enough defects from conception (or if the mom has serious enough reproductive problems of her own, as in my case) will not.  Getting acrylic tips on your nails won’t cause a miscarriage. 

As far as the health of your child, I would again do your research and ask your pediatrician.  You may want to adjust your habits or better monitor your child’s habits.  I look back now at the ‘seasonal asthma’ that my daughter was diagnosed with as a toddler and note that it is pretty much non-existent now that she is almost eight.  Did she grow out of it?  Or is it because I quit smoking almost 3 years ago?  Although I always left the room when I lit up a cigarette, smoke has its way of traveling.  We are all better off now. 

I am very fortunate to have a wonderful OB/GYN.  He always reminded me during my pregnancies that it was best to weigh the pros and cons before making any decisions in pregnancy.  For instance, when I went to him crying with excruciating heartburn that would not get better no matter how many Tums, Zantac and a ton more “safe” medications I took, he prescribed Nexium.  As it was in the end of my second trimester and the baby’s organs were all fully developed by that point, we needed to weigh the fact that I could not sleep at night nor was I eating right because I was in too much pain.  This outweighed the so called cons of taking this drug.  So I took a Class C drug at the end of my last two pregnancies and all was well.  Class C drugs later in pregnancy are generally not harful.

As for craving a cup of coffee or a slice of ham?  Again, in moderation, caffeine will do no harm to anyone and as long as that slice of ham comes from a reputable deli with no known reason to believe that anyone would get poisoning from eating there, feed the craving.  Enjoy your pregnancy.   Before you know it your baby will be grown up and you will have missed out on this most wonderful time of your life because you were too worried about every breath you took.

Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (7), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (Newborn)
www.nevaland.com

My brother and I are four years apart.  I distinctly remember being jealous when he was born.  I was only four years old, but I remember feeling like this new baby was trying to take over.  Prior to his birth, I not only had my own bedroom, but a playroom (we lived in a three bedroom apartment) with a huge play kitchen set in it.  When he came around, I lost my playroom, and since we lived in an apartment with no other place to keep the huge kitchen set, I lost that, too.

Furthermore, my father’s little sister was only 17 when I was born, and she and I were very close.  As a matter of fact, I looked up to her like my ‘rock star’, and she adored me.  Aunt Roe was my little brother’s godmother, and she adored this little alien baby, too.  I remember feeling very upset every time she held him.  I was told that I even slapped my aunt once for holding him.  As adults, my brother and I are very close, and I cannot believe I ever held any bad feelings for him!  Then again, I was only four years old!

My sister was born five years later, when I was nine and a half.  I do not remember feeling any jealousy towards her when she was born, nor anytime after. 

When my oldest daughter was six and a half, I gave birth to twin boys.  Remembering what I felt when my little brother was born, I was worried that she would be jealous as well.  As a matter of fact, knowing that I was upset after the birth of one of my siblings and not upset after the birth of the second, I was not quite sure what to expect from my daughter.  Then, when the twins were only fourteen months old, I gave birth to baby number four.  I was unsure of how I would be able to manage to give each of them the attention they needed, and hoped that jealousy wouldn’t play a role in our family, but was not sure.  Each child is different, and I just hoped for the best.

My daughter is quite possibly the best big sister ever.  She has never said a bad thing about any of her little brothers, with the exception of getting scolded for pencil marks on the wall and replied “Maybe one of the boys did it!”  The boys were only six months old at the time.  She has never expressed any envious feelings nor said any resentful comments.  And my little sister (who was ironically 17 when MY daughter was born and is HER ‘rock star’) has luckily never been at the receiving end of any rage from her niece like I did.

As my three youngest are all boys, I believe my daughter feels confident that since she keeps her “princess” status, she will always have that special place in our family. 
I am not sure she would have taken another sibling joining the family as well if she had had a younger sister. 

Younger children tend to be more envious than older children, as older children often have friends, are in school, have activities outside the home, and therefore are less dependent on their parents and less likely to be envious of the younger sibling.  This is not to say that older children cannot be jealous, as an older child has spent his entire life in his parents’ spotlight and now has to learn how to share it. 

A parent may not be able to accurately predict which child might show envy, which child might welcome a new sibling with open arms, and which child might be unmoved by a new sibling.  My twins were only 14 months old when my fourth child was born.  I was certain that the older twin would have given me a hard time when the new baby was born, as he had acid reflux as a newborn, has had stomach issues regularly since he was born, and always seemed to be in my arms being rocked to sleep.  I was mistaken, as it was his twin who didn’t want to go anywhere near the new baby when he arrived, refused to kiss him, and would walk away any time I was holding the baby.  As time goes on, he seems to be getting better, but is still not as receptive to our newest addition to the family as the others are.

As you can see, there are various factors that might contribute to a child being jealous of his new sibling:  age, sex (and sex of the new baby), relationship with parents, birth order, the child’s coping mechanisms, his individual personality type and the way the parents handle the situation. 

Children, regardless of the situation, continually need to know that they are loved, that they are unique, that they can never and will never be replaced.  When at all possible, spending one-on-one time with the older child will help him to see that he can still spend time with Mommy or Daddy and is still important to them.  What may be obvious to you may not be to the child.  It always helps to remind him how special he is and that he has an individual and important role in the family that no one else can have but him.

Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (7), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (Newborn)
www.nevaland.com

Most parents are concerned with their baby’s health form the moment they become aware of the child’s existence.  Mothers take their prenatal vitamins, eat healthier, remain clear of alcohol and tobacco as well make other adjustments to ensure the pregnancy goes smoothly for the sake of the baby’s well-being.  They see their obstetrician monthly, preparing for a healthy birth.

When baby comes, the parents ensure the child gets care from his pediatrician, immunizing the child and following up on anything warranting follow up.  Parents regularly take the child to the pediatrician to make sure the child is growing and thriving as he should. 

Baby’s health does not stop there.  Good oral hygiene habits need to start from very early on in a child’s life, and maintaining oral hygiene even before a baby’s first tooth appears is key.  While you may not have to worry about decaying teeth, it is always good to remove the formula or milk from the baby’s mouth.  More importantly, it gets the baby used to the habit for when it is time to start actually brushing teeth.  And at some point baby will be getting that first tooth, so regularly cleaning the gums ensures that when that tooth comes in you are already cleaning it of milk. 

You might want to purchase the rubber cleaner that fits on parent’s finger to clean the gums.  However, a wet piece of gauze or a small washcloth wrapped around your finger does the trick as well.  And once the teeth start to emerge, you should get a baby toothbrush and begin to brush not only those first few front teeth, but the back gums as well.  This will get the child used to the feeling and getting into the regular habit of brushing the whole mouth and keeping the mouth clean and ridding it of harmful bacteria that can affect the teeth.

After baby’s first birthday, he is undoubtedly becoming more and more independent, and may want to brush his own teeth.  A child is not fully ready to brush on his own until at least five years old, maybe even later, however, it is never too soon to teach them how to start working on their own oral health.  Brushing teeth requires a level of coordination and skill that a toddler does not yet have, but it is never too soon to start practicing.  I found with my children that I would brush first, then hand them the brush to give them a turn.  Kids find it fun to brush.  It also gives them that feeling of “I am a big boy/girl!”  Plus, you are teaching them an invaluable lifetime habit that we all need.

Toothpaste is not necessary at this time.  There are a variety of tooth and gum cleansers that you can purchase if you prefer, which might also help the child to develop a habit, but it is not needed.  And because a young child does not fully understand the concept of holding something in his or her mouth without swallowing, fluoride toothpaste should not be used at all.  Ingesting too much fluoride can be harmful. 

I spent many years working as a dental assistant through high school, undergraduate school, all the way through getting my masters degree and becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist.  Four of those years were spent working with pediatric dentists.  It still amazes me how some parents do not see the need to invest so much time and energy on baby teeth, as they feel that they will fall out anyway.  It is important to have your child visit the dentist for his first regular dental cleaning from age two.  Again, not only are you creating a good habit for your child from very early on, you are ensuring that if there is cause for concern, the dentist will be able to pinpoint it at this early stage.  Baby teeth can decay just as adult teeth can.  If left untreated, the decay can make its way through the root of the tooth (and baby teeth do have roots until they are ready to fall out), can cause pain, can cause abscesses, and can cause other problems, like infection. 

Unfortunately, I saw many children who were never taken for regular dental checkups, whose parents did not teach them proper oral health from early on, and whose cavities were not treated when they were small.  By the time we saw the children in our office, it was because the child was in pain or the decay was very obvious.  The experience was not as positive as it could have been for many of these children, because treating a child with a mouthful of deep cavities, needing long appointments, anesthesia, mouth props, rubber dams, baby root canals, etc is not pleasant.

Keep in mind that often a small cavity is treated without the need to use anesthetic, the procedure is painless, the experience is fun (yes, fun!) and the child has no bad memories or fears of visiting the dentist.  Advances in dental treatment have come a long way in twenty to thirty years, and while previous generations may have had good reason to fear dentistry, this generation should not.

Many children today can grow up without ever getting a cavity.  Good oral habits from very early on can help ensure this.

Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (7), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (Newborn)
www.nevaland.com