“Play with kids your own age!”
My husband and I often joke that we could have never dated when we were younger. Paul is six years older than I am. So had I dated him when we were fifteen and twenty-one, this would have ruffled quite a few feathers, and of course ethical and legal questions would have come up. We met when I was 30 and he was 36, and just about the only difference we notice is our taste in music. Luckily, we both enjoy all types of music today, so this is never an issue, but I would have never been into Zeppelin in 1980, and he would have never been into Madonna in 1986!
I have friends of all ages. One of my best friends is in her late forties, and another is in her mid twenties. I still have a lot of my friends from childhood, and they are all close to my age. As we are all adults, either with families, careers, or both, and we have plenty of common denominators in our lives. What about children and teens? Does it seem as appropriate? Is it okay for a 15 year old boy to hang out with a bunch of 19 year olds? How about a 14 year old girl playing with all ten year olds? What about a 7 or 8 year old boy playing only with 3 and 4 year olds? Where do we draw the line? And what does it say about the developmental age of these children?
My daughter is 6 years older than my twin boys and 7 years older than my youngest child. Often, we find ourselves at a party for one of the twins’ friends, and my daughter is out of place. Yes, she is extremely helpful with chasing after them and keeping them occupied, but then she gets bored, even upset that she doesn’t want to play with the “babies”. Fortunately, many times we are with another family who also has an older daughter, and the two girls can drift away from the little guys and do more age appropriate activities. Otherwise, my daughter would rather sit with the adults than the little kids. I can’t say that I blame her!
Older children often see toddlers and preschoolers as a novelty, and I often see a nine or ten year old wanting to keep them occupied and make them laugh. After a while, the older child goes along to play with his peers. He or she may come back again to play with the boys now and then, but for the most part, it is because they are amusing and fun. A ‘tween’ that speaks to and entertains a baby or toddler like an adult might show maturity. As a mom of toddlers, I am leery of the older child who consistently wants to sit and play with toddlers and preschoolers as peers. There is something to be said on both levels: an older child is obviously bigger and stronger than a three or four year old. Children jump and play and even wrestle and roll. A seven year old boy wrestling with a four year old boy is completely inappropriate. An eight year old girl consistently playing with four year old girls is just as inappropriate. The eight year old is at a different stage than the preschooler. On the other hand, if my eight year old was always running to play with the preschool group of children over children her age, I would be very worried about her developmental age. And if the children her age did not want to play with her, I would be concerned.
As a parent, it is my responsibility to be aware of the red flags. I should also be mindful of my children’s peers. If I consistently take my older daughter to places with only younger children, I am at fault. And if my younger children are consistently being joined by an older child, I need to be aware of and monitor the interaction between the children. After all, how often do we read about an older child harming a younger child right under their parents’ noses?
Jennifer Nevadomski
Paul’s Wife
Mom to: Juliana, 8 – Louis and Anthony, 24 months – Joseph, 10 months
www.nevaland.com
This entry was posted on Friday, August 6th, 2010 at 4:05 am and is filed under Article, Jennifer, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.