Naptime Blog

Most of my blogs are light and hopefully interesting and possibly even humorous.  Today happens to be an anniversary of an event I will never forget.  This blog is a reflection of my more serious side.

Nine Christmases ago I was pregnant for the very first time.  I learned right before Christmas day.  I was 25 years old, newly married, and ‘innocent’.  I had always wanted to become a mother, and learning I was pregnant was something I had always dreamed of.  The day after Christmas in the year 2000, I learned there was a possible problem with the pregnancy.  I spent the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day being thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, not knowing whether or not I was going to have a baby in nine months.  This was the first time in my life I realized that being blessed with a pregnancy did not always mean that a baby would be born, and many complications could prevent that from happening.  My “innocence” was forever lost on the evening of January 3rd, 2001, when I learned that I had an ectopic pregnancy, and that I would need emergency surgery to ensure my fallopian tube wouldn’t burst, endangering my life.

I had surgery on January 4, 2001.  I lost my baby and lost my left fallopian tube.  My life was forever changed on that day.

I went on to lose another baby later that year.  Since then, I welcomed my daughter into my world in 2002, I divorced her father in 2005, remarried the love of my life in 2007, gave birth to twin sons in 2008 (after dealing with secondary infertility), and was surprised with my little love, born late 2009.  I am forever blessed with these four amazing children and awesome husband.  I watch them all sleep; I love the sound of my children’s laughs.  I never imagined that I would have four children, and after spending many years in an unhappy relationship with my first husband, I cannot help but thank God for the life I have with my husband and children.  But there has never been a January 4th that has gone by without me remembering the first baby that I never got the opportunity to hold, to kiss, to watch sleep or listen to his/her laughter.  I have never forgotten the course of events leading to that awful trip to the operating room, the day that changed my life and my views on many things. 

Nine years sometimes feels like an eternity, sometimes feels like the blink of an eye.  We celebrate birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and other happy occasions.  We also remember other anniversaries, which may not always be of an event we choose to remember.  But I am a mother of 6, not 4, and I will always remember the day I lost my first baby.

Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (7), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (3 months)
www.nevaland.com