Naptime Blog

The holiday season has begun!  This is a wonderful time of year for many of us, although for some it can be the worst time of the year.  As we celebrate this time of good tidings and cheer, my thoughts are with those families that may be having a tough time this holiday season, for whatever reason.

I am of Italian heritage.  Years ago, after the death of a loved one, my relatives would spend months wearing only black, and the holidays would be fairly simple: no Christmas cards, no decorating, and no partying. 

I remember when I was 13 years old, a cousin passed away.  She was only 36 years old and left behind two young children.  From that year on, my grandparents never decorated again for Christmas.  Although they still gave us presents and my grandmother continued to cook dinner, it was never again the same for her. 

This past September, just ten days after my two month old was born, my grandmother passed away.  She had been sick for some time, and was eighty three years old.  I had a hard time jump starting myself to prepare for the holidays this year, but I have four little children and cannot “skip” over Christmas just because I may not be in the Christmas spirit.  And although my grandmother didn’t celebrate the holidays after she lost her niece, I am sure she would want me to make sure my children have a great Christmas.  Once I started Christmas shopping and put up the tree, it was easier to get into the spirit.  Although for me, I will never forget how Grandma always made Christmases special.

As parents, we often have to put aside our own feelings for the sake of our children.  That might mean pushing ourselves to put a smile on our face when we really want to cry.  That might mean sacrificing something we really want to get that special toy for our child.  That might mean putting up a Christmas tree and sending out cards when you really want to skip right over December altogether.

I have always loved Christmastime.  Even though Christmas this year will be hard without my grandmother, seeing the smiling faces of my four children on Christmas morning makes Christmas that much better.  And as wonderful as it is, I am also reminded of another Christmas that was not so wonderful, and I did not have four beautiful children to brighten it up.

Before my oldest daughter was born, I lost two pregnancies.  I found out I was pregnant in December of 2000, and I found out it was an ectopic pregnancy on December 27th.  I had surgery on January 4th and came home January 5th to see the house still fully decorated for Christmas.  I cried for hours while my family took the decorations down.  I lost another baby only four months later, and once again was in a terrible place.  Before getting pregnant with my daughter, I started to put all my thoughts down on paper.  I wrote a poem and started to write about my bumpy road on becoming a mother.  I now have four beautiful children, although I didn’t think I would ever get to that point.  I became a Family Therapist to help other women and couples who were dealing with pregnancy loss and infertility, for I found there was not much available for me when I needed the help.  After my daughter was born, I published “Becoming a Mother”.  I have been truly blessed with my family.  But every Christmas I am reminded of that awful season.  Here is the poem I wrote:

Me…

Imagine for a second…
How a little girl dreams of becoming a mother –
A role in her life unlike any other.
Dreaming of the day she can hug her baby
“I’d like to have two or three, maybe.”
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
A young woman is pregnant, and just found out.
Her feelings are mixed without a doubt.
She’s so thrilled yet a bit scared of the thought
Of the job ahead and everything to be taught.
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
The pregnant woman has just been told
Of a poor diagnosis that is two-fold.
Her tube is bad, the baby has died,
How upset she is and how she has cried.
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
Two months of torture, being so sad –
‘Could the remaining tube be just as bad?’
Then to her surprise, the wonderful fact –
She’s pregnant again, the tube is intact!
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
The woman and her husband in weeks of pure bliss
‘We’re having a baby!” How great is this?
Looking forward to finally meeting the child growing inside.
The joy of ‘parents-to-be’ – just imagine their pride!
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
Visiting the doctor, expecting a heartbeat.
‘The baby has died…’ – this child they’ll never meet.
A feeling of numbness, unable to speak,
Trying to stand, but feeling quite weak.
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
The awful trip to the operating room…
It might as well have been her tomb.
For the second time, her child has died.
For the second time, they’re taking the child inside.
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
Her husband wishes she’d return to herself,
As he looks at all the angels she’s collecting on a shelf.
Becoming a mother has taken over her life –
‘Is our family destined to be just husband and wife?’
…that was me.
Imagine for a second…
That little girl dreaming is now a wife
And she still has the dream she’s had all her life.
She would have never thought that what would be true
Is that here on earth she has no children, but Heaven has two.
She knows that God will one day bless her with children she’ll bear,
She holds onto that dream, and holds onto that prayer.
…this IS me.

In memory of two little souls I’ll never forget.
You’re looking down at Mommy, I bet.

 I wish you all Happy Holidays.  Hoping you are in the holiday spirit, if not for yourself, for your children. 

Jennifer Nevadomski, M.S.
www.nevaland.com

I have always enjoyed the “rush” of Black Friday.  It wasn’t about the huge sales or big deals, for I do not think I ever saved a tremendous amount of money by leaving my house at 5AM to get the early bird specials at Walmart, Target, JCPenney, or even Toys R Us.  It was always about that rush, the excitement of raiding the stores, getting into the Christmas Spirit (ok, minus the pushing and shoving desperate holiday shoppers!), enjoying a day off to shop.  I have been doing it for years, and this time I decided for the first time I would check out the midnight sales.  Probably will be the last.

I enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family.  My husband and children and I enjoyed a great breakfast with my parents and siblings, got to watch some of the Thanksgiving Day Parade, and then headed to my mother-in-law’s for an awesome dinner.  The kids loved their turkey dinner, and after a very filling meal, I was ready to keep my eyes open with toothpicks!  But instead, we got the kids washed and ready for bed, we were spending the night at my in-laws, and after everyone was settled, my husband and I changed into comfortable shoes and out the door we went.

At midnight, we were at the outlets.  For anyone who was unaware of the actual time, one would think it was 12 PM not 12 AM!  The outlet stores opened at midnight and had incredible sales, so many of them had lines wrapped around the buildings to get in and shop!  AMAZING!  The Christmas music was blaring, the teens were hanging out by the food court, and the people were SHOPPING!  I did not agree with the parents who had little kids dragging along and babies in strollers at 2 AM, but otherwise, I was impressed with the amount of people out shopping after Thanksgiving!

We left the outlets at around 2:30 AM and were about to head home when we passed Walmart and were pleasantly surprised to see that it was open.  Unfortunately, though, we walked in, walked around, and walked right out.  This was probably the first year that I did not get any deals at Walmart on Black Friday.  They had been opened since midnight and gave out tickets to those first in line.  So by 2:30, all the popular items were gone and the people were waiting around until they could collect their “prizes” at 5AM.  I did not want to shop through idle, exhausted customers, so we left.  We headed to Toys R Us.

I was thrilled to see no lines and no huge crowds in Toys R Us.  For me, I didn’t have any toys to buy that I would have to fight for, and since Toys R Us was also open since midnight, the crowds were already gone.  I did hear, however, from the check-out woman that at midnight the line was wrapped around the store halfway through the parking lot and it was a scary sight.  So I am happy we were in the outlets enjoying the music and shopping nicely!

So far so good!  We left Toys R Us at 4 AM and debated heading home.  The one item we had hoped to score was a laptop for my daughter, and since we hadn’t had any luck with that thus far (we got great deals on everything else we purchased!), we decided to pass by Staples.  There was one man standing there, and when we drove by and spoke to him, we learned he was a clerk and the store would open at 6AM.  We were the first people there!  So Paul and I parked the car, and waited in the line.  People started to come (we learned two were there before us but were resting in their cars), it was getting quite chilly out, it began to get exciting, and then it started to rain. 

By then we were in too deep to go home.  After all, we were first in line!  And there were HP laptops starting at $299!  So we waited.  And waited.  And waited.

The manager showed up at 4:30 and we began to watch the associates come in one by one.  And at 5:45 the manager came out with a clipboard to start taking our orders.  Those first in line (US!) would have first crack at the merchandise!  One laptop per customer.  And my sweet husband decided we would each walk out with one:  Santa would bring my daughter one this year, and he would also bring ME one!

Yes, I am thrilled, as we bought two laptops at great prices and my shopping is pretty much done!  BUT, I could not get the chill out of my body until the next afternoon, and almost a week later, I still have not recovered from pulling that all-nighter!  I’m not as young as I used to be! 

Happy Shopping!

Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (7), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (2 months)
www.nevaland.com

So even though its only a 5 hour drive to visit my in-laws it is still going to be a mini road trip packed with little activities and snacks to keep Shaughn busy during the time. I’m hoping that maybe we can time it along with his nap so that the drive will be less “boring” to him. I don’t want him to get restless or cranky from being in his car seat for so long. Is there some type of “rule” about how long a child can be in their car seat for a road trip? Maybe we will stop for a few minutes to have him walk around. No, he is still not walking on his own, but he is more interested in walking as long as he is holding our hands which is better than before :).

Everyone is so excited to see Shaughn and I know he will be just as happy to see all of them. I show him pictures of his family up there to keep him reminded of their faces and tell him their names. Where my husband’s family lives is a very different town than where we live now, its nice and quiet and is a good break from the business down here. It also gives you the chance to appreciate the stars because there’s barely any street lights so it will be a nice getaway for all of us. Hope the holidays are great for everyone!

Krystle

With all the many choices of toilet paper brands, some being extremely
cheap and rough, to the extreme soft, I have to say that the Walgreens
brand toilet paper is my favorite. Not only do I buy the 6 double
rolls because of the great price of $2.99 but its very comfortable and
lasts a good amount of time. I’ve tried the different brands out
there, including the 99 cent rolls when  I’m low on money and in a
hurry to just get something to hold us over and those are terrible.
They’re so rough and uncomfortable. Not only do I use the toilet paper
for obvious bathroom purposes, but I also have terrible allergies so I
use it to blow my nose and softness definitely matters for that!
 I see the huge packs of toilet paper, including the ones that are
sold at the “buy in bulk” stores, and while those are good deals and
end up saving you money in the long run, that’s a decent little chunk
to throw down for them. I’m very satisfied with my Walgreens toilet
paper

-Krystle

I am still not sure how I feel about the phone call that I got from the Principal last week.  I mean I am proud of my daughter for sticking up for herself and not allowing anyone to get away with touching her, but I do not like that my child feels that it is okay to hit another child.  Let me backtrack a bit.

When the Principal called at 1 PM last Tuesday, I thought it was the nurse calling to tell me Juliana was not feeling well.  When I heard the Principal’s voice, I thought it might be about the website that I have been managing for the past two years for the school.  Instead, I heard “Juliana hit a little boy in the schoolyard today”.  WHAT?  I would have liked to say “You have the wrong child”, but first of all, the school is small and the Principal knows all the children personally by name, and second, I loathe when parents deny that their child could do no wrong. So I sat there and listened while she told me the story.

I learned that the children were playing during recess, and one of the boys tagged her on the shoulder.  Another boy squeezed her in the breast area.  Although my daughter is too young to have developed anything in that area, I have been adamant about teaching her that she should never allow anyone to touch her in her private areas, and that area was of course a private area.

I am not sure if it was sheer reflex, but turns out my daughter hauled off and punched the little boy in the jaw saying “You are not supposed to touch a girl like that!”  The boy started crying and his lip bled.  They were both called to the principal’s office, he admitted what he did and apologized, the principal told my daughter that she should have called the lunch mother, and told both of them that no one should be touching anyone’s private areas.  The principal called the boy’s mom and then called me, and told me that although she did not tell Juliana outright, she is proud that Juliana knows to never let someone touch her and that she defended herself. 

I, on the other hand, cannot believe my daughter hit another child!  I have never been in a fight and would never have hit anyone else, although there have been times in my life when I WISH I would have!  I would have preferred that she went to the lunch mother as well, and did not condone the hitting.

The one thing I wanted my daughter to clarify to me was “Are you sure he didn’t touch you by accident?”  And Juliana explained to me that the boy not only touched her, he pinched her in that area and twisted!  Not only was she defending herself from a boy touching her where he had no right to touch her, she was also probably embarrassed that he did this, and maybe he even hurt her! 

My husband and I did sit her down that evening to have a talk with her.  I needed to stress that hitting is not something we will allow.  I reminded her that she needs to go to a trusted adult if anyone ever hurts her or does something wrong to her.  I told her that I never want another call from the Principal saying that Juliana hit anyone ever again.
When she went to bed later that night, I told my husband that I was secretly very proud of my daughter for sticking up for herself.  I know that I never had the guts to do that when I was younger, and although I meant what I said about never wanting to hear that my daughter hit another child, I am very happy she has proven that she will not allow anyone to hurt her or touch her inappropriately.  And I hope the little boy learned his lesson as well! 

Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (7), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (2 months)
www.nevaland.com

My husband and I are cooking Christmas dinner this year.  We are hosting 15 or more family members.  Both my family and my in-laws are of Italian descent, and both families have kept the holiday traditions alive through the years with menus.  I cannot believe how much food is actually served at a holiday in our family!

First, we begin with an antipasto (appetizer) which consists of various cheeses and deli style meats.  These antipasto trays are served with bread and some salads, peppers, olives, sweet breads, stuffed mushrooms, and more.  (Hang on, I am FAR from done!)

Next is the pasta course.  Christmas is generally lasagna, with mini meatballs inside.  We cannot forget the “gravy meat”, which is meatballs and sausage among other meats served in the lasagna sauce.

Then comes the main course, which is either one or two of the following: roast beef, fresh ham, leg of lamb or turkey.  This is accompanied by various vegetables and starches, such as stuffed artichokes, green beans, broccoli, salad, baked potatoes, yams, more bread and other fixings that go along with the meats.  (And the meal continues, thank goodness this is only one day a year!)

Fruit and nuts come next, with various winter fruits and nuts, including my favorite, chestnuts.  I guess we use the excuse that there are all these fresh fruits and veggies in the meal, therefore we are eating “healthy”! 

If anyone still has room left (which most of us FIND room for dessert!), dessert is last, served with different types of coffees and liquors.  Oops, I forgot to mention the red and white wines that are served throughout the meal.  So yes, I guess my family is stuffed and drunk by evening!  Everyone who comes to dinner has either baked cookies, pies, cheesecakes, and/or purchased a variety of these as well as pastries for dessert.  Wow, I am getting a stomach ache just thinking about all this food!  But I believe everyone should experience this kind of meal if just ONCE!  Amazing!

Our supermarket hosts a special each holiday season, just before Thanksgiving, that if you accumulate a certain number of points from shopping in the weeks before Thanksgiving, you can earn a one time use 20% off coupon on a future purchase to be redeemed the week of Thanksgiving.  So my husband and I took advantage and managed to purchase any items for Christmas dinner that we could in advance with the discount coupon. 

Now just imagine how much money it costs to purchase all of these things?  The dry sausage and cheeses alone are a small fortune!  We decided to save wherever we could and buy generic.  Many of the food items above do not come in generic, however, I am proud to say that I saved a fortune on other items needed to prepare dinner!  For instance, instead of buying ‘Reynold’s Wrap’ at $6.99 a roll, I bought the store brand at $3.99!  I bought store brand baggies to wrap up the cheeses in and saved another small fortune!  And because I want to be able to toss after dessert and get some much needed rest, we got the store brand coffee cups and dessert plates as well! 

We will need to spend an afternoon the week of Christmas shopping for more groceries for Christmas dinner.  So while many people shop for gifts, this year I will be adding “groceries” to my Christmas shopping list!

Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (7), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (2 months)
www.nevaland.com

I think my baby is afraid to let go!! He has been standing for a little over a month now. He has been cruising down the furniture for awhile too. I bought the appropriate Stride Rite walking shoes and we have a lot of floor time.

I am by NO means trying to rush him along, but I really think he is ready but a little nervous. It is amazing how he will stand up and get his balance without any support.

When he realizes that he is standing, he quickly falls to the floor.

My pediatrician was against the purchase of a walker. The safety reviews that go along with walkers have not been too favorable. We did purchase Jayce a bouncy chair.

I want him to go at his own pace, but as a mother I am patiently awaiting that next major milestone & wishing there was something I could do to help him along

Here is my BIG guy taking steps with dads support.

~Shanta

Continuing with my idea of a conscientious and conservatory theme, I figured I would dive into the subject of family and social interaction. How often do you catch yourself feeling guilty for saying something to your children or maybe not directly to them but in the presence of them? It may be something so simple as to watch a show on TV, or be sitting at a restaurant where there is a violent show on TV. Maybe a friend says a word or uses a derogatory phrase in the presence of your kids. We all have different tolerances based on our upbringing, morals and our idea of what is right.

Do you often say, “maybe the kids didn’t hear what was just said” or “maybe they didn’t notice that adult themed show on TV”. Don’t kid yourself. They notice, they absorb and they assimilate. They might even manage to find a perfect social setting such as Sunday dinner to repeat that word or phrase they picked up. And God forbid that they say “but mommy or daddy says it all the time”.

Use every day and every moment to teach your children. You are doing them a great service and preventing a lot of guilt on your part by speaking up when someone is watching or saying something you do not approve of. If you can’t change the person or channel, change the situation and just leave. It is like voting with your presence. When you stay you are showing you approve, if you have to leave, your disapproval will be noted by your absence.

Shannon
Potamus Prefers
http://www.potamusprefers.com/

I believe in vaccinating children.  I have vaccinated my children according to the guidelines, and feel more comfortable knowing that certain diseases and sicknesses have been eradicated in this country due to vaccines.  It worries me knowing that underdeveloped countries lack the funds to vaccinate, which means that certain diseases have not been wiped out completely.  This scares me because I know that some children are not vaccinated in the US due to their parents’ beliefs, but this means that it is possible that diseases that we have vaccines for may be rampant in other parts of the world, may spread to the US to children that have not been vaccinated, and different strains may develop creating an epidemic in this country. 

I would never claim to be a medical expert, for I am a family counselor, not a doctor.  But more importantly, I am a mom.  I do not judge any other parent for their decisions regarding their own children, but I do admit that it worries me that my children can come home with let’s say a new strain of smallpox because a family who hadn’t vaccinated their children went to another country and their child caught the disease.  As a mom, not a medical professional, I have read into the literature on vaccines, and although I know that there are negatives to vaccinating (side effects, the possibility of a link between vaccinating and autism, etc.), I feel the benefits outweigh the risks, and the percentages of children who have a negative reaction to a vaccine are too small for me to not vaccinate.  If one of my four children were to be among those statistics I may feel otherwise, however, realistically, a widespread epidemic of a deadly disease scares me terribly.

That being said, I am not personally comfortable with my children receiving the H1N1 vaccine.  The schedule of vaccines that are recommended for children have all been around for many years.  As a matter of fact, I received many of the vaccines when I was a child.  We are aware of any long term effects of the vaccines given today, as they have been around for decades.  The H1N1 is a live vaccine (which in itself makes me uncomfortable) and it is too new to know what long term effects it may have on those who get it.  So although I believe in vaccines, I have read up on it, have discussed the options with my pediatrician, family doctor and other medical professionals, and my husband and I have decided that our children will not have the H1N1 vaccine this year.  That doesn’t rule it out for the future, but for now, we will not be getting it.

We are extremely lucky to live in a country where we have clean hospitals and educated doctors as well as safe medications.  I pray that my children (as well as my husband and I) can steer clear of the H1N1 germs this year, but should we get infected in our house, I trust in the medical care our doctors can provide.  That does not mean that we are not washing our hands a thousand times a day in our house!  And my daughter has been instructed to stay FAR AWAY from any children in her class who even sniffle.  Hoping H1N1 does not come near our family!

Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (7), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (Newborn)
www.nevaland.com

So some people would think by now I over react but really I swear I don’t. I often get yelled at during appointments when I say such and such happened. Then I get a long lecture about being laid back.
WHEW…I am SO glad this roller coaster weekend is over! Friday morning I took Tristan to Dr. Singh because I just knew he was getting dehydrated. He had a super high fever and a terrible stomach virus. And sure enough…to the ER we go from the pediatrician’s office! Tristan was a great baby…he tolerated all the needles SO WELL. His first IV didn’t go in right, so they had to start a second! I felt so sorry for him. The staff was wonderful.

He was discharged two whole long exhausting days later. It was crazy! Luckily I was pretty well rested from lying in the hospital bed with Tristan all weekend. I can’t even add photos since my blackberry camera is all messed up and my flip video camera was dead. My new blackberry should be here ASAP! Its sad how much I rely on my blackberry camera for pictures.

Chrystal