Naptime Blog

Our children range in age from 18 to 10 months (and I am pregnant again).  Although the 18 year old is not mine, it gives my husband some advantage over having raised a child already and having gone through high school, the teen years, driving, dating and other lovely things.  As for me, I have just recently begun all of this.  My daughter is 7, and at the end of her first grade year.

I had her in a small private nursery program a few hours a week when she was three and a public universal pre-k program when she was four.    I put her in Catholic school for Kindergarten.  It became immediately apparent during the first week of kindergarten that there are different cliques of moms, most of them I never desired to be any part of.  At the time, I was working part time as a social worker/therapist at a foster care agency, so my time at the school was very rare.  I would drop my daughter off in the morning and pick her up at the after school program at 5:30.  I very rarely dealt with any of the other parents, except the handful I had known prior to enrolling her (as we are parishioners of the church associated with the school).  It did not bother me, with the exception that I would have loved to be more involved for my daughter’s sake, but due to my hectic work schedule this was not possible.

Whenever I would get the chance to pick her up at dismissal, it was evident that all the mothers would gather on one corner or the next as they waited for their children in different groups.  As I walked past each group to get to the entrance of the school, I would pick up bits of conversation:  all sounding like cackling hens.  And this was something I was proud NOT to be a part of.

My twins were born last July.  Since then, I have remained a SAHM.  Since the beginning of this school year, I had wanted to be more involved with my daughter’s education, and made it a point to be at the school every day with the double stroller awaiting dismissal.  I would be amazed with the mothers…  some mothers who had known me from the neighborhood for years would run up to me (when they were alone) to take a look at the babies and want to know all about them.  Those same mothers, when in their “clique”, wouldn’t even give me a second glance.  Often I would sit there with the stroller and talk to some of the grandmothers, because I didn’t want to involve myself with any of these cackling hens.  But it was also apparent that by October, if I wasn’t in a clique, I wasn’t going to be welcomed in one any longer.  It didn’t bother me!

I became friends with the mom of my best friend’s daughter, and we would set up play dates, chat with each other, catch up on the “ins and outs” of first grade, and weed through the rumors either one of us had picked up along the way.  No one has secrets when they stand outside of school with the other hens…  I heard so much ‘dirty laundry’ it was unbelievable.

The only negative to not being part of any of the cliques is that I am not privy to being chosen as a volunteer for school events, such as the Halloween party, the Easter Bunny breakfast, the Christmas fair, the school play, the Card Party, and more.  The moms who run the PTA board are the heads of the cliques, and despite many emails and notes sent to school that I was available to help out, because I was a “nobody” to these women, I would get overlooked and one of their own would be chosen before me (or any other mom who wasn’t in the ‘in-crowd’).

Last night was the Card Party… talk about cackling hens!  I sat there (losing a lot of money on the raffles, by the way!) looking at the women running the event, and how I have heard over and over again from other moms like me how they have tried to ask to help out and were never called either, and I could not believe that these moms could actually be this way!  What message are they sending to their children?

I could offer a lot to the committees:  I am very arts and crafty, I would be happy to wrap gifts or shop or even decorate or clean up!  But it is their loss, and they can bask in this glory they are enjoying while it lasts.  Because I opened up my daughter’s school folder today and read a letter from the principal asking for nominations for the PTA board, as their two year terms have expired.  And I am hoping that there are more moms like me who will be voting a new board in for the next school year with new parents who will bring with them a breath of fresh air!

Jennifer
Mom to Juliana (7), Louis (9m) and Anthony (9m)
Expecting #4 in September!
www.nevaland.com